I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
