we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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