Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Randomize
