just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
