i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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