cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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