WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
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