oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
