Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
