So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
