I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
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