The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
