I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
