Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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