Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Randomize
