Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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