drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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