I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
