Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
