You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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