I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
