If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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