He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
