Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
