piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
