I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
