At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
