If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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