she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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