D3 body, D1 cock
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
