To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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