there's paper in my vomit.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
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