Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
