I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
