you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
