got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
