so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
