Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
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