yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
