Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
