At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
