It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
