that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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