You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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