just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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