I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
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