Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
