I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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