I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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