we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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